Friday, September 29, 2006

University of Alabama Football Report for 9/29/06

Denial: (Second overtime period)
“Well, it’s entirely possible that Arkansas, even if they score a touchdown, could miss an extra point, too, right? I mean, what’s with that ‘Return of the Drunken Master’ pre-kick ritual the punter keeps doing? Maybe all their kickers are that crazy. Plus, Nutt could go for two anyway. He is crazier than a shithouse rat after all. Right?”

Anger: (Saturday afternoon – Monday night)
Oh, anger. You are a bitch.

Bargaining: (nil)
Let’s just hop right into…

Depression: (Tuesday morning – current)
Times like these illustrate the desperation of the football fan during the summer months. Before the season begins, avid football fans seek out the opinions of various recruiting experts and fortune tellers to placate their need for actual football. Many of these aforementioned predictors labeled the Crimson Tide as the third-best team in the SEC’s Western Division, some as fourth.

At the time of their reading, these predictions seemed based in sound observation and accurate appreciation of the talents among our own team and of the competitors. But who reads that crap once the season starts?

Bleach the works, men. We could down those paper cups of methadone all day, but it wouldn’t run the horsepower out of our blood. And that’s why it hurts.

Acceptance: (scheduled prior to kick-off)
Florida’s spread-option offense seems to be working the kinks out quarter by quarter this season. The addition of true freshman Tim Tebow (and his dad?) as the short-yardage specialist previews the headaches awaiting the SEC East next season. But for now, they are Alabama’s next game and that’s all that matter here.

Last year, after an overtime loss to LSU, the Crimson Tide gave the Auburn game away in the first quarter. Much has been said of Mike Shula’s poor play-calling (poor play-non-calling, really) in relying on a true freshman kicker instead his redshirt sophomore quarterback and two junior receivers in the red zone last week. However, in this week’s context, Alabama fans must hope that it was a dumb move by a conservative coach and not the other way around.

This much is certain though: One way or another, this week’s game is unlikely to depend on a kicker.

Roll Tide.