1. Who said “There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you”?
a. Woody Hayes
b. Paul “Bear” Bryant
c. Nick Saban
d. Every Alabama fan, post-hangover, last Sunday morning
2. What cartoonish character recently replaced Ole Miss’s “Colonel Reb” as the school mascot?
a. Black Bear
c. Hotty Toddy
d. Fox News’ Shepard Smith
3. How many first-time starters are playing in the Alabama secondary this season?
d. Whoa—what!?! Fuck!
4. Ole Miss tradition : The Grove :: Alabama tradition : ___________________.
a. National championships
c. Rammer Jammer
d. An ineffective pass rush
5. Which current SEC quarterback is better known for his run-ins with law enforcement than for his athletic performance?
a. Jeremiah Masoli
b. Cam Newton
c. Stephen Garcia
d. Does Greg McElroy count as an athlete?
6. Julio Jones finished the last game with a broken hand. Who is tougher than Julio Jones?
a. No one
b. Really, no one
c. Seriously, stop asking
d. Dude, are you regular stupid or Les Miles stupid? No one is tougher than Julio Jones.
7. Who is the favorite to be named Alabama’s 2010 Homecoming Queen?
a. Bethany Travis
b. Shellie Street
c. Pandora Austin
d. Julio Jones’s other hand
8. Alabama has won five games and lost one. How many games remain on Alabama’s schedule?
a. Eight—I still believe!
b. Seven—Our division’s too tough
c. Six—Maybe next year
d. I’m from Tennessee. Me don’t math good.
9. When Mark Ingram takes snaps in the wildcat formation:
a. he averages five yards a carry.
b. he needs to throw the ball more.
c. Alabama should pull the quarterback.
d. Alabama fans pretend they know how to coach.
10. Nick Saban’s salary is
a. Four million dollars per annum
b. One of the highest in college football
c. Mostly paid by donations to the athletic department
d. Not high enough to put up with the shit we give him after a loss
For each “a” answer, award yourself one point; “b” answers equal two points, and so on. Tally your points to learn how many drinks you need to get through the weekend.